You know that feeling you get when you really like someone and you hold their hand for the first time? How it just feels so satisfying to know they have the same feelings for you? It feels like a sexual release. It’s such a light, timid hand hold. Like, they can let go easily if they want and you can too but you both try so hard to hold onto each other so lightly. It just feels so innocent and right. Literally one of the best feelings in the world.
Cara Delevingne - Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013
Hi. Sup. Anxiety attack. I am having one. I read somewhere online that its a good idea to keep an “anxiety journal” for whenever you have one. So this is it. I get them when I’m about to go work. Today is only my second day. I can’t think straight. My heart is beating way too fast, its about to pop. I don’t know if this is a result of my car accident or just me not being ready for society. When I get these attacks I think about all the people I’m going to have to talk to and look at in the eyes. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to mess up today. Thank god I’m just doing closing today. Fold clothes and hang stuff up. That’s all. It’s weird, on a day-to-day basis, like in school or hanging out with friends, I don’t seem to have a problem interacting with people. I guess I could say I’m out-going. Embarrassingly out-going. But when it comes to work, I am a train wreck. I think this is a defense mechanism. It’s because I fear. I fear of growing up. I don’t want responsibilities. I don’t want to be an adult. I fear of making mistakes and the consequences of it. I fear I’m not ready for the REAL society.
I am not ready for the real world.